Breathe!

Yes I know, it seems simple enough. And maybe it is, if you haven’t just swallowed your lungs and then vomited up your stomach and everything along the way.

I could not believe what I was hearing. For a moment, life became a mime that laughed at my naivety. The silence mocked me. Frozen for fear of giving myself away as the wounded animal I always found myself being, I sat quietly.

His words hit me in much the same way as the water in the gym pool does at 5am, when you have found yourself guilted into ‘getting more out of your day’ by your favourite health magazine. It was swift and sharp, however where the pool would be over within seconds, this shock continued to resonate throughout my entire body.

And then the strangest thing occurred. An uncharacteristic wave of complete calmness came over me. I was transfixed on the mole that called the tip of his long, pointed nose home. I suddenly became aware of how much I hated that mole. It looked like a zit. How had I not noticed that before?

“I’m really sorry Summer,” he said, the sincerity in his voice betrayed by his inability to maintain eye contact as he spoke.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. It’s totally fine,” I chirped with a smile that even my grandmother wouldn’t have been able to see through. He relaxed into the chair and let out the breath he had been holding onto for quite a while.

“I think it’s great that you both have each other, because it a hell of a lot more than either of you deserve. Have a friggen fantastic, wonderful life”.

As my smile receded into bitterness, I took hold of the glass of sparkling wine that I had intended to drink, and in a swift and cinematic move, I threw it at him. It seemed a waste. I really did like that particular wine. But something had to be done, and if that meant sacrificing my favourite wine and the shirt I had bought him just two days ago for no reason at all, then so be it.

With a sense of indulgent satisfaction, I turned away from him. I did not look back to see his face, nor the faces of the lucky onlookers treated to a complimentary show with their dinner. That chapter was over. I never read a book more than once.