I am looking for a man who understands that vampires do not glitter, they burn.

Who’d protect me from pigeons with their unpredictable behaviour and evil eyes.

Must act impressed when I use big words I don’t understand. Appreciate that I love anything dystopian and will go on and on about it.

Remind me that sambuca is not my friend.

Buy me prawn toast that I can dip in gravy and not call me strange for doing so.

I can be quite quiet, I like to think and daydream. Don’t mistake this for me being weak because when I think I’m right I will not back down.

I love sarcasm and will use it continuously, however frustrated this makes you.

Never make me order unless you want the wrong thing, as I seldom get what I ask for.

I’d rather head-bang than dance but don’t mind your preference and to me tattoos are an expression of one’s self, I like to trace my finger over them.

If you are a Gemini it never works out.

Don’t call me weird for thinking that rain is beautiful. I prefer night to day and if I had any superpower I’d be invisible, although sometimes I feel like that anyway.

Never tell me to wear fake tan or to change my hair colour. Do not eat onions before kissing me.

Don’t mock me when I’m angry. I never go back on my work so don’t on yours.

Don’t get annoyed when I repeat myself over and over again.

Love is hard to find, this is as evident as: It rains a lot in England, air is free and vampires do not glitter.